Goroka, the current speciality coffee pod in the Nespresso range is, alas, deeply sub-interest. It is too bitter with no depth of flavour; quite simple and unsatisfying if I am honest. This is a shame as I have had some great coffee from Indonesia, from where this hails. I'll stick to Ristretto and Arpeggio, the strongest two blends. They make damned-fine cups of espresso.

My trip to France has been a tale of woe so far, beyond picking up some Pibarnon 2001 for a knock-down price. Dinner was, perhaps, even more depressing than what approximated for lunch.

We had a recommendation to go to a microbrewery in Lille called Les 3 Brasseurs. Going to a microbrewery is usually an interesting experience, and one can generally expect beer of passable quality. It was piss-quality at Les 3 Brasseurs.

We tried all of their beers. The Blonde, Blanche and Brune all tasted pretty similar, which was bad enough. Worse was they tasted disgusting. They had a strange flavour of that shameful concoction known as 'mixed herbs', and mixed herbs that had been left lying around for too long. There was no life, freshness or style. They were simply dirty with a freaking awful flavour. The only differentiation between them, beyond the colour, was that the Brune had a vague hint of bitterness. The Ambree beer was not so utterly vile, instead it was totally bland and characterless. I'd rather be offended than bored and this was piss boring. I hated all the beers with a passion and found the drinking experience there to be completely depressing.

It did not cheer me up that the food was also total crap, the dried-out tarte-flambees were notably awful. The final nail in the coffin of this dire dive was that the service was hopeless from our complete twat of a waiter. He might have been less mortifyingly awful if he was less drunk.

I cannot recommend highly enough that you avoid Les 3 Brasseurs if you should find yourself in Lille; I bet the Buffalo Grill opposite is less of a misery-inducing dump.

My last Estonian beer, drank half an hour before getting a taxi to the airport. I won't miss them.

A. Le Coq Special 1807 Jubilee Edition, 5.2%
Smells like standard lager, nothing thrilling here. Apart from the fact that it is slightly sweet and a bit chemical, this could be any standard European lager. It is like Grolsch with added sugar. This doesn't make it particularly nice. No, I will not miss Estonian beer.

I've been in Estonia for the past couple of days. I've tried one local brewery, Saku, and I have to say the beer is foul. It seems to be a pretty generic lager, but it has a nasty chemical taste which is really off-putting. This is especially true of the Saku Dark. It is 6.7% and additional alcohol really carries the most unpleasant flavours very well. I found two glasses of the stuff to be quite nauseating.

I am off to Finland for the weekend where I know there is a decent pub that serves real ale. It'll be nice to have a good drink that doesn't make me want to hurl. Sadly it is then back to Tallinn for two days. I must find a better bar....

This is another purchase from Sainsburys. I first tried it in Antwerp and must confess to drinking quite a lot of it during the short holiday. Made from wheat, oats and barley.

Tripel Karmeliet, 8%
A bright, golden colour. It smells of honey and lemon. And alcohol too. The palate is very rich and heady, almost sweet from the alcohol. There is a fruitiness to it, though. Not bad, but somehow not as charming as I remembered.

Real Perry (pear cider) can be quite delicious. This stuff, on the other hand, is actively repellent. I spit on the Jersey Cider Company for producing such evil filth.

St. Helier Pear Cider, 5%
Pale green colour. The nose is like essence of pear drops, incredibly confected and artificial. I can only imagine the temperature control system they used during fermentation to get it smelling this vile. Honestly, it smells utterly disgusting. The palate is similarly horrible, with flavours that remind me of vomit after consuming too many sweets and sugary fizzy drinks. If I attempt to raise the tone of this note above vomit, I'd say the closest drink I've had that tastes like this is apple-flavour Tango, and that really was the devil's own jizz*. I could not finish the bottle of that I purchased, and frankly I'd rather have all my teeth extracted without anaesthetic than drink another mouthful of this disgusting slur on the great name of alcoholic drinks.

*Yes, I realise moving from vomit to jizz isn't really raising the tone.

Vie Shot orange, banana and carrot, Knorr
Lawks, this smells like cockatoo shit. It is really repellent. The taste reminds me of vomit from when one has been having too many orange-based cocktails. This is actively unpleasant and undrinkable.

Yesterday I went on a booze cruise to Calais. In one of the large supermarkets we picked up some beer; this is one of the things we got.

Gueuze is an aged lambic beer from Brussels. Lambic is a beer that is fermented using the natural yeasts present in the place the beer is brewed. This is termed spontaneous fermentation. When fresh lambic is very acidic and lively, serious ageing is often required to make it palatable. This version has been aged in cask for two years before bottling. It is far from the most traditional Gueuze one could have; for that one needs to look for the producers Cantillon or Boon. This offering comes from the producer Lindemans.

Gueuze Foudroyante, 4%
Dark amber colour. A sweet nose of candied lemon peel, it is also quite orange-y. It is not especially complex. It tastes quite sweet and there is not the frightening acidity one generally seeks in lambic beers. The taste is very short and simple, it is almost bland. Perhaps I like my Gueuze to be far too scary in terms of intensity, but I find this to be quite dull. Not up to standard.

This was the refreshment on offer at an incredibly dull Korean restaurant I visited tonight. A Korean lager that claimed to be made with 'fresh, natural water'. Better than that stale, artificial water, I'll wager....

Hite, 4.5%
Very pale yellow. Doesn't smell of anything. It tastes very slightly sweet and there is a hint of maltiness, but this is basically fizzy water. I think the name has an 's' missing from the start of it.

*also known as 'fucking close to water'.